What is Parental Alienation?

Parental alienation is a form of emotional and psychological abuse against both the child and the targeted parent.

It occurs when one parent (the alienating parent) uses strategies and behaviours to manipulate the child into rejecting, fearing, or avoiding the other parent (the targeted parent) — without justified reason.

This leads to the child’s unjustified rejection of a once-loved parent.

Important distinction: Parental alienation is not the same as justified estrangement, where a child’s rejection is a logical response to abuse or neglect by the parent.

Common Behaviours of the Alienating Parent

• Badmouthing and denigration of the targeted parent
• Limiting or interfering with contact and communication
• Interrogating the child about time with the targeted parent
• Forcing the child to choose sides or reject one parent
• Sharing inappropriate adult information (e.g. divorce details)
• Undermining the targeted parent’s authority
• Encouraging the child to spy or keep secrets

Common Behaviours Exhibited by the Child

• Unjustified hostility toward the targeted parent
• Black-and-white thinking (targeted parent “all bad”, alienator “all good”)
• Using adult language or phrases not their own
• Insisting the rejection is their independent choice (no guilt)
• Extending hostility to the targeted parent’s family/friends
• Erasing or reframing positive past memories
• Parentification (child caring for alienating parent’s emotions)

Impact and Consequences

On the Child

• Depression, anxiety, and low self-esteem
• Identity confusion and developmental issues*
• Poor social skills and difficulty forming relationships*
• Guilt, grief, and unresolved loss
• Increased risk of substance abuse and maladaptive coping

On the Targeted Parent

• Profound grief, helplessness, and depression
• Financial ruin from prolonged legal battles
• Damage to reputation and social isolation
• Higher risk of severe depression and suicidal ideation
• Research indicates stress comparable to prisoners of war, torture victims, and parents who have experienced the death of a child—all groups known to have elevated suicide risks. ¹ (Baker & Fine, 2014)

If parental alienation has affected you or your family, you’re not alone. Share your story for the Deleting Dad anthology.